Stories from a Social Work Intern: Chapter 1

 I truly admire consistent, steadfast people. They are a rare find.

I met a man this week who's been a foster parent for many years. For the purpose of maintaining confidentiality, we'll call him Charlie in this blog. He's 71 years old, and his gentle demeanor was the first thing I noticed about him. Throughout their time as foster parents, he and his wife have had more than 100 children come through their home.  From the stories Charlie shared, he and his wife have seen it all. Name a possible issue that a foster child could face, and they have probably dealt with it.

The story that impacted me the most was about a 12 year-old girl who had come into their care, pregnant. With her uncle's child. The amount of abuse that this child had endured was incomprehensible. Charlie knew that he had his work cut out for him, because this child did not trust men, and for good reason. 

His approach to earning this child's trust revolved around one thing: being as consistent as possible. Charlie spoke of how he would remind this child everyday of how much he cared for her. How his home was a safe and secure place where she would never be abused. He would follow through with what he said he would do. He would make his presence known in the house, to let her know he was there for her.  She resisted at first. However. 

Sixteen years later, this same girl will stop by to visit Charlie and his wife, just to say hello. She will call when she needs a ride to work or another small favor, because Charlie and his wife have become her support system.  

And she calls him "Dad". He not only earned her trust, he became her family.

He didn't do it by force. It didn't happen in a day. He was consistent. Steadfast. 

I want to be a person like that. I want to be what people call consistent, reliable, loyal, and steadfast. I want to be a consistent friend. I want to be a reliable co-worker. I want to be a loyal family member. I want to be a steadfast lover. I want to be a hard-working student. 

That's all anyone's looking for really: someone who is consistent and steadfast in all things. 

"But I will sing of your strength;

I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.

For you have been to me a fortress

and a refuge in the day of my distress."

~ Psalm 59: 16 (ESV)

Words Have Power.

One of my biggest pet peeves: People who are unaware of their surroundings and the people they are interacting with. 

You know what happens when people are unaware? They say things that hurt.  

I'm naturally more quiet and observant in groups and I try to be pretty careful of what I say. It's important to me that I'm adding to the group conversation in a positive way. I never want to say something that would offend or be inappropriate. In order to do this, I listen. Pay attention to nonverbal and verbal cues. Once I'm comfortable, I will add to the conversation. 

The main reason I do this is because I've learned, through my own experiences and by observation, that words have power. Words that are said carelessly can do a number of things. They can make someone feel less than (i.e. less than worthy, less than capable, etc.). Ignorant remarks can open wounds. They can add to shameful feelings. Ignorant remarks can divide. And isolate. 

Let me just say this: Not everyone has grown up the same way you have. Not everyone has the same standards that you do.  Not everyone has made the same choices in life that you have. Not everyone has been treated fairly by family members or friends. 

I never want to be responsible for hurting someone with my thoughtless words. I've been challenged to be more attentive to the emotions of others. To be an uplifting, truthful, encouraging voice. To be more intentional with the words I say. 

There are thousands of voices out there for us to listen to. I challenge you to be a life-giving voice. A voice that stands out among the rest.

Current Thoughts.

• Just because you get older in age doesn’t mean you are suddenly confident in who you are.
• People are mostly selfish. It takes effort to ignore the longings and impulses of our flesh.
• Loving=Risking
• Sometimes it’s just about making it through the day in one piece. Heck, maybe just the next hour. Or minute.
• Victory. Freedom. Strength. Are all found in Christ.
• Life goes on.
• I’m only human. It’s okay to act like one.
• With that said, people will let you down. Change their minds. And hurt you. They will also surprise you. Inspire you.
• I’m convinced it’s when we feel least prepared or ready for something that God throws it our way. I guess it is the perfect way to keep us relying on Him at all times.
• No one is a lost cause. I am included in that statement. 
• Usually, the process is worth far more than the end result. 
• We are all capable people. Belief in that is the issue.
• I'm stronger than I thought I was.

Here.

When everything is still...
and quiet. 


When everyone has gone and 
it's just me...
alone. Here.


I struggle. To understand where God has placed me at this point in my life. How I ended up here. I would say confusion is the best word to describe the state I'm in at the moment. It's not too comfortable. I kind of hate it most days. But I have no idea how to fix it. How to find clarity.


I'm not sure of the "next step". I don't have a game plan, which kind of scares me. I often feel unsettled. And even a little bit lonely.  I'm searching, but I'm not really sure what for. I'm trying to accomplish something, anything. And most of all, I'm just plain exhausted.


There are a few statements I sincerely dislike at the moment. You will notice their similarities.


"Time will heal."
"Only time will tell."
"It just takes time."


Time. Is for patient people. And those who don't worry about things. Or plan ahead. It's for people who deal well with change. And know themselves. Time is for those who haven't been hurt and are not sure how to survive the pain. Needless to say, I'm struggling. I've always been a person who's felt like they have it all together. And it's been awhile since I've felt that way.


Good news is, I'm still functioning. Still accomplishing things. Still me. Still here.


Time has had an effect on me. I think I'm changing. Or learning. Or growing. Or maturing. Or letting go. Or something like that. Or a combination of those. I have personally discovered that in the midst of confusion and not having it all together, you won't get lost. Or completely lose yourself. Sure, it may feel that way at times. But. You. Are. Not. Lost. 


Rather, I think I'm just finally discovering the real me. The one I wouldn't have gotten to know had a few painful/unplanned/messy experiences not happened along the way. I'm not lost. Just in a new, sometimes painful, unplanned, messy place. Just here.

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.

"They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

~Jeremiah 29:11 [NLT]